10 golden rules of book writingThe very secret keys to successful writing

For those of you who are either contemplating becoming an author, or those writers who want to get to the bestseller status fast, I thought I would share what I believe to be the ten prime factors for success.

Some are highly technical while others require hours and hours of practice and perfection, but I am sure you will see the benefits very quickly.

Ten Golden Rules For Successful Writing And Getting People To Buy Your Books.

1. Always include blank pages at the back of the book. this makes the book thicker, so looks like better value.

2. Be consistent with spelling mistakes. The reader’s brain will adjust.

3. Always dedicate your book to your mother. This increase the ‘Awwww’ factor, and also gives you an opportunity to include another blank page after it.

4. If you have a long name, change it. Bestselling authors must restrict both their names to five letters or less.

5. If you are under fifty, do not put a photo of yourself on the back cover. Writers must look mature.

6. Use a lot of dialogue. It takes up more page space. (Helps point one) Narrative tends to be in good solid paragraphs, so stay clear on neat, economical space saving paragraphs as much as possible.

7. Get your very best friend, wife or sibling to write the blurb for the back of your book.

8. Use short and simple words. Long words reduce your market potential to only those readers with high IQs.

9. Always start a sentence with a Capital Letter, and try to remember the full stop at the end. It helps readers navigate better.

10. Make sure you have some sort of story to tell. Three hundred pages of:
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, sapien platea morbi dolor lacus nunc, nunc ullamcorper. Felis aliquet egestas vitae, nibh ante quis quis dolor sed mauris. Erat lectus sem ut lobortis, adipiscing ligula eleifend, sodales fringilla mattis dui nullam. Ac massa aliquet Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, sapien platea morbi dolor lacus nunc, nunc ullamcorper. Felis aliquet egestas vitae, nibh ante quis quis dolor sed mauris. Erat lectus sem ut lobortis, adipiscing ligula eleifend, sodales fringilla mattis dui nullam. Ac massa aliquet
has proven not to sell very well, even though it does speed up writing a lot.

Bonus Rule: Always include a 404 page not found link to help readers get back to where they were.

Ten Golden Rules Of Successful Writing
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10 thoughts on “Ten Golden Rules Of Successful Writing

  • 16/03/2010 at 7:10 pm
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    This was one of the funniest things I have read on writing in a while – thanks for sharing.

  • 16/03/2010 at 9:04 pm
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    Hey, I like writing lots of dialogue… :-P

  • 16/03/2010 at 11:09 pm
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    I love it! Thanks for putting a smile on my face by poking fun at writing.

  • 17/03/2010 at 12:32 am
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    Dude you have to stop belabouring the obvious! And get straight with the Felis… pronto!

  • 17/03/2010 at 6:01 am
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    lol Derek. This is genius. It's not as easy as it seems to be humorous. Thank you for the laugh !

  • 17/03/2010 at 1:08 pm
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    #11 – Explain everything completely. Most people are stupid.

    #12 – The bigger the font, the more pages in your book! (blame it on older readers)

    Great ones Dero…!

  • 12/05/2011 at 1:58 pm
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    Too funny… I liked number 2 the most… haha.. just what I needed before going to sleep… thanks for sharing.

  • 29/06/2011 at 11:33 am
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    Wise words, noted and assimiliated (oops sorry, long word).

    Jack Scott (short name – bonus points)

  • 29/06/2011 at 11:54 am
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    Very tongue-in-cheek. Causes several rumbles in the tummy. Affirms the author's confidence in his own writing skills.

  • 31/12/2017 at 5:52 pm
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    I find it useful. In no mood for fun I can say you provided a few solid ingredients. But a writer is what he/she is. So taking a fee hints from you.
    And crossing over on the rest.
    Thank you.
    Happy New Year 2018.

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