Who, or what is Derek Haines, the Vandal?
An author, musician, satirical writer, poet, very lazy soul, teacher, grandfather? Who knows? From his own description below, it seems he doesn’t really know who the Vandal is either.
‘For some reason, I was created many years ago at the age of 42, and then just started writing books, novels, poetry, songs and anything else one can do with a pencil and piece of paper. Everything is a bit of a blur before that. A strange blueish blur in fact.
I seem to be attracted to the antithesis of anything. The divergent, contrary, antipode or just plain opposite. Agreeing seems to be one of my very weak points. On the other hand, I am a very good cook, which hardly anyone believes. Additionally, I don’t agree with nobody that double negatives are passé. I don’t teach English for nothing, you know.
As for my writing style, I just try to put words in, as Douglas Adams once said, ‘a clever order’. Not that I always achieve this feat. Probably because my creative juices are handicapped by trying to remember how to spell. I always get stuck on words like restar… no…. restaura… no restaure….. well you know, somewhere you go to eat food. My clever order theory is often tested by the fact that my impatience always races ahead of my brain and fingers. This causes some calamity.
I tend to write best in a horizontal position which makes for a lot of wear and tear on my sofa and annoys everyone around me who would like to use my sofa from time to time. Once they have moved all the books, papers, files, laptops, newspapers, magazines and empty wine glasses, there’s normally enough space for them, but I tend to reclaim my territory quite quickly.
I’m always slaving away on an idea for a new novel, several blog articles and perhaps a song, all at the same time, so I get a bit confused sometimes. Well, a lot of the time in fact. Oh, slaving is not a very good word to describe me accurately. Working? No. Trying? No. Being slothically lazy? Yes. That’s the one.’
Well apart from the spelling, enjoy the disjointed satirical vandalism you are sure to find in this blog.
For those of you who would like to know more about The Vandal, aka Derek Haines, author, serial blogger and English teacher, you can visit his main website for more information. It’s really far more coherent.