Who is the Vandal?

Who, or what is Derek Haines, the Vandal?

An author, musician, satirical writer, poet, very lazy soul, teacher, grandfather? Who knows? From his own description below, it seems he doesn’t really know who the Vandal is either.

‘For some reason, I was created many years ago at the age of 42, and then just started writing books, novels, poetry, songs and anything else one can do with a pencil and piece of paper. Everything is a bit of a blur before that. A strange blueish blur in fact.

I seem to be attracted to the antithesis of anything. The divergent, contrary, antipode or just plain opposite. Agreeing seems to be one of my very weak points. On the other hand, I am a very good cook, which hardly anyone believes. Additionally, I don’t agree with nobody that double negatives are passé. I don’t teach English for nothing, you know.

As for my writing style, I just try to put words in, as Douglas Adams once said, ‘a clever order’. Not that I always achieve this feat. Probably because my creative juices are handicapped by trying to remember how to spell. I always get stuck on words like restar… no…. restaura… no restaure….. well you know, somewhere you go to eat food. My clever order theory is often tested by the fact that my impatience always races ahead of my brain and fingers. This causes some calamity.

I tend to write best in a horizontal position which makes for a lot of wear and tear on my sofa and annoys everyone around me who would like to use my sofa from time to time. Once they have moved all the books, papers, files, laptops, newspapers, magazines and empty wine glasses, there’s normally enough space for them, but I tend to reclaim my territory quite quickly.

I’m always slaving away on an idea for a new novel, several blog articles and perhaps a song, all at the same time, so I get a bit confused sometimes. Well, a lot of the time in fact. Oh, slaving is not a very good word to describe me accurately. Working? No. Trying? No. Being slothically lazy? Yes. That’s the one.’

Well apart from the spelling, enjoy the disjointed satirical vandalism you are sure to find in this blog.

For those of you who would like to know more about The Vandal, aka Derek Haines, author, serial blogger and English teacher, you can visit his main website for more information. It’s really far more coherent.

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9 thoughts on “The Vandal

  • 12/07/2011 at 8:16 pm
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    Is it an age thing? The older I get, the more dyslexic I become. Typing words in the wrong order, forgetting how to spell. I could have written a dozen books in the same amount of time I spent correcting my stupid mistakes. Arghh!

    Even with the typos, writing is the most fun I’ve had since playing ball and going camping with my kids. I hope, when I ever get anything published that my readers enjoy them as much as I did writing them.

    Reply
  • 04/02/2012 at 4:29 pm
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    Great to meet you Derek! Inspirational to see someone not burdened by the usual narrow-minded social stigma of age, when it comes to getting on with seriously doing your thing and doing it your way. I can relate. I’ve been a late starter in going after my dream of being a successful writer, procrastinating in youthful indulgence for far longer than is generally considered healthy. There’s a famous Bill Hicks quote that I live by: “Growing old, mandatory. Growing up, definitely optional.” And if you don’t mind me saying so, you bear a striking resemblence to the actor Nik Nolte in this photo! Thanks once again for accepting my piece for publishing. I’m honoured to find a home for it here.

    Reply
  • 04/02/2012 at 4:49 pm
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    Well thank you for all the compliments Lee!

    I think my growing up and even growing old has been hindered by being born with an over-active and non-treatable rebellious attitude. :)

    Reply
  • 30/12/2012 at 9:19 pm
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    Stumbled across your web site ! Very interesting person you are . I just purchased one of your books . Will give you feed back

    Reply
  • 16/02/2013 at 1:47 am
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    Derek: I enjoyed discovering your site and attitude as much as your wit. And I really ‘dug’ your piece on the city and the bush, even though not all self-published authors come from the bush. A former Manhattanite and old geezer, I naturally don’t think the whole city is effete. Just look at N+, the Brooklyn incubator of literature and social action. There are some pearls there. But you are dead right on the indie scribes. They tell stories worth telling, even when they don’t dot some i’s.

    As to the effects of old age, all of you should check first with us nonagenarian while you try to catch up to our seniority.

    Reply

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