There Should Be A Law Against That

Crime scene

There are some crimes our legislators are continually ignoring, and I really believe the following misdemeanors should be added to the Criminal Code with immediate effect.

Any person or persons ensconced in a supermarket check out queue who darts off to fetch an article or two they forgot, and hence create a check out traffic jam should be punished with the full force of the law.

Any person or persons who send an email to more than five people and forgets to use the bcc field need to feel the full weight of justice for clogging up email headers. Not to mention the security breach in making public the list of fools who read their multi-forwarded email jokes.

Any person or persons who conduct a conversation about the weather while holding an elevator door open should know that a long custodial sentence awaits them. This shamelessly selfish act needs a strong deterrent.

Any person or persons who use ALL CAPS in social media messaging should be HEAVILY fined and suffer a VERY LONG suspension of their internet service. REPEAT offenders should face the THREAT OF imprisonment.

Any person or persons who conducts a loud conversation on a mobile telephone on a bus or train and uses the phrase ‘Yes, I know,’ more than five times in a row should face the threat of immediate citizens arrest, tied up, gagged and deposited at the nearest police station to face a good old fashioned ‘telephone book’ bashing.

Any person or persons who take longer than thirty seconds to deposit their hand luggage in the overhead locker of an aircraft during boarding should be immediately arrested, removed bodily and forced to undergo a long re-education program by a cooperative communist regime.

Any person or persons who conduct the business of busking on street corners with a repertoire of only two songs should be arrested and sentenced to incarceration for ninety days while being forced to listen to ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ on perpetual loop twenty-four hours a day.

Please feel free to add your own suggestions.

16 thoughts on “There Should Be A Law Against That”

  1. Akhen1khan2 aka Jack Eason

    Don't forget the morons who these days start every sentence by the the word 'so' Derek. Frankly they should never ever be allowed to speak to the media. The same goes for so-called sports personalities, most of whom share a level of intelligence well below that of the much maligned Amoeba.
    So, what do you think, like, innit, no what I mean?

  2. Jackie Edwards

    Anybody who laughs when someone falls over, should be beaten around the head…
    Anyone who replaces empty milk cartons in the fridge, should be beaten around the head…
    Anyone who says "lovely weather for ducks", should be beaten around the head…
    Anyone who talks in the cinema, should be beaten….. you get the drift by now?

  3. Well Jack, I think the killer word for me is 'like' used as a repetitive discourse marker.

    'You know like I went shopping like and like I found a great new store like.'

    This singular abuse of our language should carry a mandatory life sentence.

    Like, you know what I mean like?

  4. Laughing as I read this post. It looks as though I will soon be serving some hard time. I confess, I forgot the OJ this morning and had to make a quick sprint to the back of the store.

  5. How about the "Parking Vultures" who follow you while you are pushing your cart to the car! I like to walk right past mine or sit in it after unpacking… They should have permanent stickers placed on their cars and only be able to park in the spaces around the parameter of the lot farthest away!

  6. SchriBlur Mayirp

    Noo! Like isn't like that. More like this:
    "I saw that and I'm like,'what the hell?'" or 'She was like, really angry..'. Blame hiphop! That's where it all started :) Oh wait. You can write an entire post on hiphop right? "That'll be like, real nice!" ;)

  7. I think politicians who can speak for a long time and say absolutely nothing should be dropped (preferably from a great height) especially when their comments sway with the political tide. New Zealand's current Prime Minister fits into this category. His name is John Key and I haven't found out which of his forefathers was called DonKey.

  8. Akhen1khan2 aka Jack Eason

    What about Rob (Piggy) Muldoon Peter Mac? Now there was a truly evil New Zealand Prime Minister. :)

  9. Oh dear Johanna! What sentence should I pass upon you for your OJ crime? :)

  10. Dear SchriBlur Mayirp, I like to use like as it was meant to be used. A verb and adverb. Instances of it being used as a discourse marker should be immediately replaced by eh, um and mmm. ! And Hip what? I know about Hip transplant. :)

  11. Well Peter Mac, I avoided mentioning politicians as they are in a separate and much higher criminal category. Tucked neatly just between bank robbers and serial killers in fact. I agree though that the criminal code should be revised to add 'Using a lot of long words and saying absolutely nothing for longer than two minutes' as a capital offence! lol

  12. Jack, Muldoon was probably not intentionally evil. He just thought he knew better than anyone else did about everything and took no advice on anything. I'm not sure whether this was because his ego was even bigger than his waistline or he actually believed he was God. He was finally brought down by a young lesbian who crossed the floor and brought down the National Government.

  13. Here’s another ~ People who throw lit cigarettes out of the window of their car! They should be lined up against a wall and repeatedly shot with lit cigarettes by the thousands!
    Also, those ignoramuses who litter our streets and hiking trails with trash and garbage! They should be banned from walking on streets and hiking trails for at least 10 years for the second offence {they get only one warning}

  14. anna-rose phipps

    Whoever makes plain phrases like “eating cake is bad 4 u” sound like a question not a statement should b given a 4 yr jail sentence and 4cd to eat cake opon release

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