So, you want to get rich, and fast?
Everyone wants to get rich it seems, so I thought I would put in my two pennies worth of wisdom on the subject. As I am opposed to the schemes that are ‘Snake Oiled’ around the place, my ten ways to get rich do not involve pyramid marketing, Ponzi schemes or stuff in capsules or bottles. So here they are. Ten easy ways to get rich.
1. Do not pay your bills.
This is the simplest way to get rich. Just do NOT pay anyone. Watch your bank balance grow at a phenomenal rate with this idea.
2. Rob a bank.
So simple and effective. The best place to find lots and lots of money. More than you could ever need in fact. Just be polite when you point your toy gun, though. Never forget your manners.
3. Poison a rich relative.
This one requires a bit of research first. Make sure they are, in fact, rich, and that they love you to bits before you spend your money on expensive poison for their tea.
4. Blackmail someone.
Always a party favourite this one. Just keep all those naughty photos of ex-boyfriends, girlfriends and spouses and wait for them to achieve celebrity status, fame and fortune, then go for it with a tabloid rag newspaper. Either way, you will win. Your ex or the newspaper will happily pay.
5. Fake a back injury at work.
So old, yet so effective. A never fail scheme this one. Just make sure you groan a lot when you go to the insurer’s doctor.
6. Marry a lawyer.
I know this one has been around for a long time, but it is another one of the never fail ideas.
7. Do not ever leave home.
This is for the younger readers. Just stay put and mum and dad will do it all, and pay for everything for you. Keep banking what you make from small drug deals, shoplifting and petty theft and you will be rich in no time at all.
8. Marry someone really, really old and really, really rich.
Forget your pride and start looking for someone decrepitly old, lonely and with buckets of money. Preferably with no children really ups the ante here. A few years of horrid embarrassment is truly a great investment.
9. Do not procreate.
This one is one of the most difficult ways to get rich, but if you can keep your libido under control you’ll potentially pocket yourself nearly one million dollars of unspent money over your lifetime.
10. Move to a third world country.
Such a simple one this. Simply take whatever small amount of money you have and emigrate to an impoverished country. In no time, you will be well known for your wealth.
So there you have it. Simplicity is the key the getting rich fast.
5 thoughts on “Ten Easy Ways To Get Rich”
Awesome. Thank you I needed that for a Saturday morning. You write so well. I haven't chuckled like that for a while. Thanks for making my day.
LOL Derek, I love it! I don't want to get rich!
Riches are not found in material things. They are just immediate gratification.
I do like the way you think! We should prioritize. The bills should be last on our list of things to pay! We may end up living under a bridge but whatever. We will be rich!
I won't rob a bank and I won't do blackmail.
My kids have the never leave home thing down. That seems to be 'kids today'
Ahahaha The old back injury ploy. I new a man who collected unemployment for his entire adult life. He was injured on the job. When summer came around, he threw down his cane and boy! you should have seen him do the limbo!
When I'm looking for an old man with one foot in the grave, I will send you an e-mail.
The third world country idea is good. It should put things into perspective for some.
I love your blog!
Note to self…follow Deggzies list….
LOL! Awesome list, Derek.
Reminds me of the old Steve Martin routine from SNL about how to make a million dollars and never pay taxes. Well, first you get a million dollars, then you just–oops!–forget to pay your taxes …
Done but not no.9
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