Oh Puppy, No!

puppy noOf course, with a new pup now six months old, we suffer the odd embarrassing moment with our new family member as he goes about discovering male canine life. As per usual with a dog of any breed, he is quite unashamed to have a good sniff of visitors’ groins and nether regions. He also tries to be a big, tough guard dog, protecting his new territory by undertaking a good, if not still puppy-sounding, barking session at himself in a mirror.

Attacks of savage biting and snarling at any leaf that happens to flutter by during his walks also makes him feel worthwhile, as does rewarding himself by bringing home a prized stick that he carefully chose from a thousand others. Then there is his new passion. Growling. Albeit that, he does his most fierce growling when he is bouncing up and down as only an uncoordinated puppy can do. Often miss timing his landing, and flopping in a furry heap.

But of course, the most embarrassing moments are when our young male cocker spaniel puppy decides that he needs a little practice in the romance department. Humping, and thrusting away with a good solid front paw hold on absolutely anyone’s leg in the hope of perfecting the art before he may need to do it for real. Not that is highly likely, but like a good scout, he’ll be prepared.

My wife and I were joking the other evening, after she suffered another amorous attack from our pup, that perhaps a blow-up bitch would be a practical idea. Of course, we were joking and had a good laugh at what a silly idea it was. Who in their right mind would be silly enough to make sex toys for dogs?

How wrong we were. In looking for an appropriate image to accompany this post about our puppy’s testosterone attacks, I came across this. Yes! For the very low price of 149 Euros, you too can satiate your little pup with a ‘Hot Doll’.

hot dog

In the famous words of Victor Meldrew, ‘I don’t believe it!’

9 thoughts on “Oh Puppy, No!”

  1. You would be well advised to read Cesar's Way by Cesar Milan to help you teach this dog how to behave.

  2. I see that your development in salacious writing is progressing nicely. Keep up the good work! ;)

  3. Tracy Tidswell

    Do you have to draw straws to decide who gets to clean it out afterwards??

  4. Sarah Callejo

    Do they also have them in different sizes for
    Chihuahuas or Saint Bernards?
    A very funny post Derek.

  5. Akhen1khan2 aka Jack Eason

    Ah, the joys of puppy-hood, I remember it well. Got any serviceable slippers left Derek? :)

  6. Cathy Webster (Olliffe)

    Man, that's one happy looking dog.
    Better a doll than your leg, I supposed, but still ….

  7. Alex Laybourne

    That is just too bizarre, yet at the same time I am not surprised at it. What a weird world we live in when money is spent to develop sex toys for dogs, while so many other causes get put to one side.

    Very nicely written post.

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