How Sociable Will I Be When I DieWhat happens to your online life when you drop off the perch?

With so much interlinking, auto-sharing, auto-posting and re-tweeting I’m really wondering if I might just live on (socially speaking) for a few years without anyone noticing that I am actually quite dead.

Perhaps I can plan for this eventuality by setting up some horribly clever automation that will have me bothering people from the grave and having a damn good chuckle at the joke from six-feet under. It wouldn’t take too much effort to link a few social media accounts and have them re-post to each other, ad infinitum, loop, loop, loop, laugh, laugh.

With a WordPress blog, there’s even a plugin that can keep re-posting old blog posts forever and a day. Wow. Forever. Now that’s what I call planning ahead.

What about Twitter’s infamous auto-bot-spam all you like re-tweeting? Now there’s a killer opportunity to tweet for hundreds of years. Well, that’s highly unlikely as even the most optimistic of people would only give Twitter another four to five years as it has yet to cut a profit and looks highly unlikely to do so in the near future. What a pity if I get to outlive Twitter.

Google, of course, is the best bet for living on the net for years after drawing your terminal breath. Nothing is lost in their indexing so I am 100% certain that my posts will survive for almost ever. Well, some of my web pages from 1996 are still there so who needs more proof than that? If you found this post by Google Search, how do you know if I am still breathing? You don’t of course. I may well have become ashes, but hey, don’t let that bother you. Keep reading.

Then, of course, there are mailing lists. They never cull anyone, so maybe I’ll set up automatic forwarding of all my junk mail back across to all the other junk mail senders and drive them crazy for eternity. What a payback for all the long years of cleaning out my junk mail folder. Better still, I could set up an out of life message!

“Thanks for reaching out to me. But, sorry, I’m not in my office right now, because I happen to have suddenly died. But be patient, and I’ll be reaching out back to you just as soon as I can chisel my hand through my gravestone.”

Oh, the possibilities are endless, aren’t they?

Perhaps there’s even an opportunity for a new online business. I could offer to manage your social media presence after you have taken your last bow and hope that you forget to cancel your recurring payment to me on your Paypal account. Now there’s a very good reason for me to keep breathing a little longer.

Then, of course, there is the sad fact that I am an author, and like all authors, I never sell enough books to feed myself. But in death, opportunity abounds as dead authors sell much better than live ones, don’ they?

To quote Monty Python:

So always look on the bright side of death!
Just before you draw your terminal breath.

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15 thoughts on “How Sociable Will I Be When I Die?

  • 25/01/2012 at 3:27 pm
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    I know this is sad, but I still write from time to time on a very dear relative’s Facebook account that hasn’t been deleted after his tragic death last year. I find it very difficult to accept he’s gone and that seems to bring him closer, like a part of him is still alive.

    Fatima

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  • 25/01/2012 at 3:48 pm
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    It’s been said that an Artist’s works sell better after they are dead; so I guess I should give my First Born Son, Dylan Sage all of my passwords so he can profit from my demise… ~A.

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    • 25/01/2012 at 3:50 pm
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      What a great idea Anne! I must do the same for my grand kids! Last Will, Testament and Passwords! :)

      Reply
  • 25/01/2012 at 5:53 pm
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    There are a few ‘turkeys’ spread across the world I would dearly love to haunt forever Derek. When you figure it all out mate pass it on. :D

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  • 25/01/2012 at 6:00 pm
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    If you’re self-publishing, it’s a good idea to think about what will happen to your books–and the income from sales–when you’re gone.

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    • 25/01/2012 at 8:32 pm
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      But Catana, Think about what you said friend. If you are dead, will you care about income? I think not. :D

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      • 25/01/2012 at 9:08 pm
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        Oops. What I was thinking about was how to make sure someone else, like a relative or friend, gets the income.

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          • 25/01/2012 at 9:30 pm
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            I have a better idea. A contest! I’ll sign future rights over to whoever offers me the largest “advance” for each book.

          • 26/01/2012 at 9:37 am
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            In that case Derek – £0.02 per copy, if they are being sold at £0.99. :D

          • 26/01/2012 at 2:52 pm
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            One of my books $2.99. The other is $3.99. The next one will be $3.99 after the introductory price expires. Don’t forget, you’re bidding on the basis of future earnings. There’s sure to be a best-seller in there, somewhere. :-)

  • 26/01/2012 at 8:20 am
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    I have always thought it would be best to die young and healthy while you are doing something you love to do. Go out and do it all, have no fear. Push life to its limits and go for it all.

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    • 26/01/2012 at 2:48 pm
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      I’m neither young nor healthy. I’m just about to self-publish my third novel. It took me until old age to get off my butt and “do it all.” For me, that’s writing fiction.

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  • 12/04/2017 at 3:04 am
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    I think I should quit all social media, bury myself under a pile of books and lock my doors.

    Reply

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