Blackout

Blackout

Why have I always built to destroy,
I seem to have done it since I was a boy.
Labours of love, I have passionately built,
Only to smash them, and wallow in guilt.

Build then destroy,
Build then destroy,

Why have I done this since I was a boy?

Work t’wards my goals, achieve them with ease,
Bask in the glory, til I need to please,
The destructor inside me, that tears me apart,
Controlling my mind, and breaking my heart.

Build then destroy,
Build then destroy,

Oh, why do I only get moments of joy?

I have many times reached stages in life,
Where I’ve had wonderful years free from strife.
But while I bask in the peace stability brings,
The destroyer lies waiting, to undo the strings.

Build then destroy,
Build then destroy,

Stability in life, I will never enjoy.

I have loved many times, it’s easy to do,
And shared my life, with a special few,
Until it seems, my happiness feels sound,
The destroyer starts lurking, preparing the ground.

Build then destroy,
Build then destroy,

He treats my life like a cheap little toy.

The destroyer is working on me again now,
But as hard as I fight, I just seem to bow,
To the relentless pressure, he grinds me to dust,
He seeks to destroy me, with evil black lust.

Build then destroy,
Build then destroy,

How can I beat him, what can I employ?

I know my heart’s full of compassion and care,
And I love to be loved, and I’m willing to share,
All the joy that I feel when I’m free of this beast,
But it’s on my loved ones hearts that this animal feasts.

Build then destroy,
Build then destroy,

I have just wanted love since I was a boy.

So strangers beware, as I enter your beat,
That you don’t offer to me, a comfortable seat.
For if I stay for a while and capture your trust,
Your hearts may be prey, for my destroyer’s black lust.

Build then destroy,
Build then destroy,

Watch out for me, the destroyer’s decoy.

Written by Derek Haines

Excerpt from My Clown, I Love You.