A little bit of long forgotten poetry today. Dug out from the past.
I have wandered through my life,
Felt the pain of fear and strife,
And had tragedies as everybody does.
Some times of love and bliss,
And at times with one to kiss,
But the feeling, of an emptiness, never goes.
At times, the bottle was a crutch,
Did it help the pain? Not much,
But, it numbed the parts of me that hurt.
The loss of time together, with my children,
Was an extra heavy burden,
To numb that pain, nothing seemed to work.
To run from any pain,
Seemed the answer, but again,
The past, can outrun me anytime.
A new city, a new town,
A new life I hope. But down,
I tumbled as the past was there in time.
In recent years I’ve grown,
And accepted seeds I‘ve sewn,
That have failed to bear the much awaited bloom.
Of peace and love and joy,
I am a man now, not a boy,
I have cast away the thoughts of gloom and doom.
I have faced up to my fears,
And cast away the years,
Of emptiness and bitterness and spite.
Embarking on a journey,
On the day my life turned forty,
To fill my life with colours new and bright.
Timid steps at first,
But with an unrequited thirst,
Following the breezes as they blew.
Little gems I tucked away,
I found some, most every day,
The building blocks for me to live anew.
Music found its place,
In my life, what a waste,
To have abandoned it for oh so long.
It all came flooding back,
Once I had set my tack,
To fill my life again, with a song.
I have taken time to gaze,
At nature and amaze,
The wonders that I had never seen.
Living life too fast,
Now, that is in the past,
I have time now, though money has become lean.
But I will find a way,
I will always pay,
My way in life, and never leave a debt.
Just a balance now I seek,
Sort the hours in a week,
For work and love, and people that I’ve met.
All the pieces near complete,
In my mind and heart so neat,
And emptiness alas, still remained.
My collection was to share,
I started looking everywhere,
For that someone who was yet to have a name.
I must admit to you,
That I met many, not a few,
Who, at first glance could have been the one.
Tested over time,
They all fell below the line,
And at times my confidence would wan.
You know, patience has its prize,
And my heart it realised,
That the special someone was, right there.
We talked most every day,
But I had to find a way,
I loved her, but should I tell her, will I dare.
To risk a special friend,
If I told her, would it end,
As love unequal, was to surely fail.
Should I tell her, should I ask?
What was behind the mask,
Of my special friend, I’d had for such a while.
Well, the moment did arrive,
Just by fortune, not contrived,
And I told her of the love I had for her.
My breath seemed held forever,
As I waited, will she ever,
Be the one with whom I want my life to share.
My breath I held, and waited,
As my heart and mind debated,
No! Wait, just relax, wait and see.
And then, at last, I knew,
She said “Yes, I love you too”,
And I thought, yes, this was meant to be.
Four days ago that spark,
Of love ignited, it’s the start,
Of a life that will be built, over years.
There is no hurry, and no rush,
But my God I yearn to touch,
Her hand, and see her happy tears.
My journey’s at an end,
A new beginning now will send,
To her, all the love that’s in my heart.
We are one and now complete,
Although, we have yet to meet,
But we are certain, we have faith, we’ll never part.
And on that special day,
When our love will find a way,
To bring us together, arm in arm.
Our lives will be complete,
Tho’ our hearts will miss a beat,
That first kiss….then…tranquillity and calm.
Written by Derek Haines
Excerpt from My Clown, I Love You.