Apple Freaks
There’s a very good reason why Apple are now about the biggest company in the world and have taken a stranglehold, if not a monopoly in the ‘Have to Have To Be Cool’ market. But who are these millions of Apple freaks who have made Apple what it is today? With the assistance of the bare minimum of extensive research, I think I have been able to narrow down the qualities that define an Apple freak and thus the target market of Apple marketeers.

Take a careful look at this list of ‘must have’ qualities and see if you are a true believer or are you just one of the millions who really don’t give a hoot.

  • You have a love affair with queuing. You will join any queue that is more than 3,000 people long.
  • You have an active account on Ebay where you habitually sell your more than three week old Apple devices.
  • You adore the pain and suffering involved in having your beautifully designed devices being ‘bricked’ by updates.
  • You also adore getting your dock items ‘just right’ and will spend nights perfecting it.
  • You do not have MS Word installed. Anywhere!
  • You never admit to the ‘Spinning Beachball Of Death’ appearing on any of your Macs.
  • You never clean your Apple devices because you never have one long enough for it to collect dust.
  • You believe everything Apple promises you.
  • You buy iPhones for your spouse and kids so they don’t embarrass you in public by using a Nokia.
  • You have a credit card that is only used to buy Apple products, music and apps.
  • You take your own Macbook Air to work because you refuse to use the Dell your employer supplied.
  • You think Ping is cool.
  • You only discovered a group called The Beatles when you downloaded their music from iTunes.
  • You smile anytime someone calls you addicted.
  • You hate being called an Apple freak. You much prefer to be called an aficionado.

If you failed on any of these qualities, you can breathe easier now. You’re just normal.

Are You An Apple Freak?
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14 thoughts on “Are You An Apple Freak?

  • 06/12/2011 at 4:01 pm
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    Failed ALL of them! Should I worried about my *cool* factor status in the society??

  • 06/12/2011 at 4:16 pm
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    I have an Apple, but do not satisfy any of those criteria. A geek, perhaps, but not a freak.

  • 06/12/2011 at 4:17 pm
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    I’m an Apple USER – I have a Macbook and iPhone. Neither are the latest version, and both will be kept until they are quite old. Microsoft Office for Mac is installed on my Macbook because I need to be compatible with the rest of the world. Everyone else in my family has a PC, but they also have iPods and iPads…

    I don’t see the point in bashing either side of the Mac/PC divide. I was a PC user for 25 years (yes, you heard right, from my IBM XT bought in 1985) before I bought a Mac. I now prefer Macs because they suit my work style better, but I have no problem with PCs, or Android devices for that matter.

    Can’t we all just…get along?

  • 06/12/2011 at 6:12 pm
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    Well I’m glad that failing on any item in the list will qualify you as normal. Otherwise every Canadian would be an apple freak simply by our love of queuing.

    People will tell you our national sport is hockey, then some smartass will tell you that our official sport is lacrosse, but don’t believe them – It’s standing in long lines. Everyone trying to outdo each other with happy compacency until an argument breaks out over hockey. Then some poor guy ends up with his shirt pulled over his head and a few friendly thumps in the gut.

    Gotta go update iTunes (it’s been at least 20 minutes since the last update) and then I’m off to the passport office for a nice standabout!

  • 06/12/2011 at 6:43 pm
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    I wasn’t even aware that there were computers called Apple when I got my first way back in 1996. And reading your list, I don’t think I’m sorry. Not that I’m saying Apple is bad…I just don’t know anything about them. But given what I’m used to, I suspect that switching would be like me moving from the United States to China. No, China isn’t a bad place, but I’d have to invest a lot of time learning where everything was located, about their cuisine, customs and traditions. And, frankly, I’d rather stick with what’s familiar. So it is with my PC. I just don’t want to work that hard at learning a computer system that sounds like a foreign country. :)

  • 07/12/2011 at 2:43 pm
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    Except for a nice orderly queue, and a nice orderly gadget arrangement, that’s not me. But if my Toshiba does succumb to its latest death throes then I’m going ipad.
    Have to love Apple, though, ‘cos folks buy my books through istores ;-]

  • 07/12/2011 at 5:14 pm
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    I’m an Apple user, but thank goodness I fail as a freak. Hate queues, keep my computers until they die of old age, and don’t believe anybody’s promises. Ping is stupid. If I could remove it from iTunes, I would. The beach ball of death shows up now and then, but getting rid of it never requires wiping a hard drive and reformatting. The only area where I qualify as a freak is that I don’t have Word on my computer, and the more self-publishers complain about it, the more reason I have to avoid it. One out of 15 isn’t bad.

    • 07/12/2011 at 5:49 pm
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      Why in the world would you buy something just because your friends own it? And why would their mental state determine the value of anything? Or maybe your comment is meant to be a joke. I certainly hope so.

  • 08/01/2012 at 8:18 am
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    I have rarely purchased anything because it was ‘cool’. I really like the Apple products that I own whether or not anyone else does. I am trying to figure out why, from time to time, I read this same sort of blog. Have you asked yourself why you are so negative?

    • 08/01/2012 at 10:54 am
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      Ah my negativity Deborah! It’s somewhat of a Vandal speciality. Both grammatically and satirically. I do love my Apples really!

  • 08/01/2012 at 1:14 pm
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    Only one of those criteria fit me. I do take my mac to work because I refuse to use the PC my work provides (Lenovo). My crappy little MacBook is literally held together by packing tape, but it’s far more capable and the software easier to use than anything my PC-centric job promotes. When I’m there, I need to get work done, not phfiz around with the stupid computer. But i do wonder about people who buy a new mac every other year (give a mac a chance and you’ll find it lasts forever), and who buy oddball stuff like the MacBook Air. A thousand dollars for a crippled computer that looks good on your wrist? No thanks.

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