Facebook – Where Is The Manual?

facebook funnyI’m no idiot when it comes to computers and the internet. Ever since my first little Commodore 64 and playing Ping-Pong on a black-and-white TV with my sister, I’ve been able to muddle my way through. Sometimes, things take a little longer to master, like programming Access or learning the basics of HTML, but the one thing that has completely baffled me is Facebook.

Facebook reminds me of how it felt when I wanted to program a VCR. No matter how hard I tried, it was impossible to figure out. I don’t know how many times I recorded half a documentary about penguins followed by half an old Tyrone Power movie when I had my heart set on watching the football match I thought I had recorded.

One good thing about VCRs, though, was that they stayed the same and didn’t change themselves overnight and create a whole new way of recording what you hadn’t intended to record. But Facebook. It changes all the time. So often, in fact, if I do set aside half an hour to figure it out, the ‘Help’ section hasn’t caught up with the current changes, so I’m on my own. Alright, I can see my feed and my profile and wall, but where in Dicken’s name are the pages I ‘Liked’? How am I supposed to go have another look at it if it’s hidden in a place only someone with a degree in computer science can find?

The little chat input text box is so small that it must have been designed for gnats with bifocals. It took me days and a lot of serious questioning of people to find out how to make it big enough for human eyesight. Applications and games drive me crazy. I just do NOT want to know your bloody score in Farmville, thank you very much. About as interesting as watching grass grow. In winter! I’m not interested in knowing the answer to secret questions about me. I already know the answers, dimwit! And please don’t invite me to an event. We don’t even live in the same country, idiot!

So, I want to get rid of this crud. Yes, well, here we go on another infinitely time-wasting treasure hunt. Oh, I give up. Nice score you got. Oh, and a new haystack. Marvellous!

I know Facebook is the most popular thing in the world since the invention of the wheel, but for the life of me, I can’t figure it out.

12 thoughts on “Facebook – Where Is The Manual?”

  1. You missed out Mafia Wars and those stupid tagged photos! :( It’s such a pain. Sometimes I just go to Fb to untag myself from photos :(

    But Fb is almost copying Google+ on the chat rules now.. and there are rumors about a tie-up between Fb and Skype to counter Hangouts on Google+ Interesting.. :)

  2. You wait till you decide to quit the Facebook habit altogether. Good luck in finding the "delete-my-a/c-and-get-me-the-hell-outta-here" page. They don’t like letting on that it even exists. Good thing Google knows where it is. :-) Once you pound the delete a/c button (and the multitude of "are you sure"’s) you then have to wait 14 days before the a/c is actually deleted. Of course, if you go anywhere near Facebook during that 14 days, all bets are off and your a/c is reactivated. Oh, I should mention, if you’ve ever used "Facebook Connect" to log into any other site on the web&hellip don’t go near those either in that 14 days.

    (proud to be on day 11 of the 14)

  3. The thing with FB is that there are no user friendly instructions. The B’s make up their own set of rules.

    Rule One – confuse the hell out of our users
    Rules Two to Infinity – same as Rule One



  4. “love in the same country” I like this version better than live in the same country. I’ll love you anywhere online buddy! :) FB drives me crazy. Privacy settings! They keep changing something. I use twitter more, but FB is still a good way to build a platform.

  5. That’s why I love Twitter! You only see what you actually want to see.

    I guess the major problem about Facebook is its, or M. Zuckerberg’s, delusions of grandeur. They want it all – at once!

    And personally, all those games drive me crazy too! Also, I really hate the thousands of invitations, whether to a game or event.


  6. Tracy Tidswell

    I recently had a facebook purge. I blocked all of the mafia wars/farmville etc nonsense and once I learnt how to do that I also blocked all foursquare updates too, (who cares whether you’re in the supermarket or, bizarrely, in your house). I then blocked all the people who only added me to boost their friend list, all the people who hardly talked to me at school but suddenly want to be my best friend now (there’s a reason we didn’t keep in touch, weirdo) and all the mid-life crisis-ers who hide their relationship status on their profile and then suggest meeting up for a drink whilst trying to engage me in dirty facebook chat every time I’m online while their wife puts their kids to bed. I’ve also learnt how only show myself online to certain people.
    Facebook is now a much nicer place but I do think back to those happy days when it was just me, my zx spectrum and a game of pacman and if any of my friends wanted to talk to me they had to actually get on their bmx’s and come round to see me. also, if any of them poked me they got a smack in the face.

  7. Belinda Pollard

    What a bunch of grumpy old grouches we are. ;-)

    If you really want to lose the will to live, try setting up a facebook page for your business.

    I tried for about three days, wandering lonely and despairing in Facebook Help Hell, wherein not a single instruction has the effect it promises. But I’m resting for a while now, to gather my strength before I try again. (I’ve been resting for about three months so far…)

    1. I succeeded somehow in setting up a ‘Page’ in Facebook for this blog. It only took me weeks of hunting on Google for help. Facebook were no help at all. But now it’s done, I really have no idea what to do with it and daren’t touch anything!

  8. facebook is super easy to use?
    i set up a facebook business page for my aunt overnight while in uk, if you dont want farmville invites you can block the app, if you wanna see what you liked its on your profile n if you dont wanna get invited to random events then dont be friends with randoms on the other side of the world? on the other hand, the amusement factor for some of those events can make it all worthwile if you cheer up and take a chill pill :P
    as for chat… maybe you need glasses?

  9. Lorinda J. Taylor

    I’m an older person trying to publish for the first time (although not a first-time writer) and I’m just starting to tiptoe my way through cyberspace. I’m getting used to Twitter and finding it valuable, but I’m one of the last two people on Earth not on Facebook. After reading all of the above, I believe I’ll stay that way. On another topic, I’ve been reading about Amazon’s new publishing ventures. I had elected going the traditional way of querying agents, but I’m beginning to consider changing my tactics. I write science fiction (a rather distinct variety of SF, if you’ll allow me to say so. There are as many variations of SF as there are authors).

  10. You’re right up my alley Lorinda. Sci-fi is a difficult sell in whatever form at present. Paranormal and vampires seem to be today’s flavour. But when they fade in fashion, good sci-fi will still be around.

    As for Facebook, my experience has been that you need a foot in many social media camps to make an impression. Getting your name out there is what is most important, so any platform is a good platform.

    Good luck with your publishing, whichever way you go.

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