Writing – The Easy Way To Lose Weight

writing the easy way to lose weight

There is too much truth in the starving artist stereotype.

Whether it be painting, sculpture, dance, singing, opera, or artistic vandalistic impressionism, the arts have rarely led to the road paved with gold. Writing, of course, is one of the easiest ways you can join this brigade of hopeful fools and dreamers.

Yes, we all know of the rich and famous who have been so talented or so lucky usually, that they have made their way to the top of the pile and can afford an Iranian caviar and Russian Vodka diet. But for the remaining millions of hopefuls, we eat, well, what we can, when we can.

This though has a great side benefit. Especially if you are a bit on the chubby side. Why bother paying for those expensive coaches, diet books and pills? Why spend all day trying to find products that are fat, salt, gluten and cyanide free? Just start a new career as a writer and you’ll be losing those pounds faster than you could ever have imagined possible.

Want a waif-like Twiggy figure? Easy. Guaranteed. Two months after publishing your masterpiece you’ll be able to check that your royalty payments are exactly zero, and although you may have sold a few copies, you’ll have to wait another six months before you see any of the proceeds. You’ll be wafer thin by then! As will your bank balance. Your friends will be so envious. The body you’ve always wanted and the bragging rights of being an author.

The other advantage is that starvation rapidly increases the ageing process, and we all know that old authors are held in much higher esteem than any young ‘Johnny or Jane Come Latelys’. So you’ll be in that wonderful group of senior writers extra fast. Then you’ll only be a stone’s throw away from being able to undertake a ‘Roy Orbison’ career move – die and become an overnight success.

10 thoughts on “Writing – The Easy Way To Lose Weight”

  1. Claude Bouchard

    I particularly enjoyed the absence of cynicism and sarcasm in this post, Derek. Good show! :)

  2. There is one other thing you forgot to mention mate, the amount of fags we smoke and the booze we drink daily, just to calm our nerves. lol :)

  3. Kevin McCourt (@broke_writer)

    All very true… but I just turned 30 and realized that the money part isn’t as important as the passion for what you do part. Mmmmmmm, macaroni and cheese!

      1. Very good Jack! Spot my deliberate mistake. Oh alright. It wasn’t deliberate … it was a real mistake. xx

  4. Susanna Quinn

    I meant ‘weight’ of course – creativity getting the better of me … xx

  5. Kelly Erickson

    It is working. I lost 33 pounds so far. Cat felt sorry for me and brought me a rat. Thanks Punk.

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