A look back at 2011
As is customary, it’s that time of the year to look back on the year that was. However, in true Vandal spirit, I obviously prefer to look back at what wasn’t. So, what didn’t happen in 2011?

  • While our farmers’ crops died in drought, our rivers dried up, our cities flooded and my beautiful view of the Alps in December is marred by them having no snow on them at all, our political leaders decided that 2011 was the year to completely ignore global warming. It seems that they were much more concerned with making money out Greek government bonds than saving the lives of my great-grandchildren.
  • As a species of monkey descendants we proved once again how easily fooled we really are by electing only donkeys and dodos to a multitude of political offices. 2011 certainly wasn’t the year that we decided to ‘get smart’ and start electing intelligent human beings.
  • While 2009 and 2010 saw the collapse and financial ruin of individuals, families, companies, banks and corporations, it wasn’t until 2011 that our politicians decided to start sending sovereign countries broke as well. There’s only the whole planet left to send broke. Can they achieve this lofty goal in 2012?
  • While 2011 saw a lot of killing, maiming and generally violent and bloody acts that we have all become totally immune to as we watch them on the TV news while eating our evening meal, it was very noticeable that the US for some reason, just forgot to invade a country this year.
  • Roger Federer didn’t win a single Grand Slam.
  • Disappointingly, I didn’t manage to sell one million copies of any of my books this year. However, the fact that a Vandal reader with a keen eye spotted someone reading one of my books in India on a Delhi Metro did lift my spirits.
  • 2011 didn’t see the end of the world. A disappointment to the many doomsdayers I know, but hey, there’s always next year.
  • Abject poverty and famine of course failed once again to get a passing thought in 2011. Of course this is easy to understand because our politicians were far too busy saving Greek government bonds and arguing about the US deficit to worry at all about saving the lives of millions of innocent children.
  • On a positive note to finish, we didn’t get invaded by aliens. Pity really, because they would probably do a better job at managing this insane planet.
What Didn’t Happen In 2011
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8 thoughts on “What Didn’t Happen In 2011

  • 10/12/2011 at 6:30 pm

    Oh well Derek, we can always revert back to living in caves. Now how the hell do you rub two sticks together to get a fire going? :D

  • 10/12/2011 at 9:45 pm

    Holy . . .! Are you kidding about the Alps? My 2009 NaNo novel has a scene where a character is sitting in a garden and looking toward the bare Alps. That’s supposed to be about 30 years in the future.

    But don’t worry about the lack of invasions this year. Iran is in the sights.

  • 11/12/2011 at 1:46 am

    A variation on John Lennon’s song comes to mind, “So this is Chistmas, and what haven’t we done”.

    • 11/12/2011 at 1:51 am

      Chistmas of course, aside from being one of my typical typos, is a variation on Chitsmas, being money owed for all the food and drink purchased over the CHRISTmas period!

  • 11/12/2011 at 4:03 pm

    Derek, you are an astute observer of the world and an excellent writer of satire. You might like to read “My Future History” on my blog.

  • 24/12/2011 at 5:59 am

    Collingwood didn’t win the grand final, which was certainly a highlight for me.

  • 03/01/2012 at 4:23 am

    This is the first I have heard about it so I had better start packing my bags. There are numerous examples throughout history that armageddon is upon us and that someone said that this day or that day is the end of days. So far they have all been proven false and May 21st, 2011 will come and go like every other saturday without any cataclysmic evenyts happening.

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