I am often asked where I find my ideas. Well, ideas is quite a compliment as I would more accurately describe them as irrational thoughts carelessly transferred into text (most often in Arial as I quite like the plainness of this font) and then irresponsibly published on either paper or in the gaseous cloud we have come to call the internet. My ultimate aim is to be published on either papyrus or granite, but I am told that this idea is rather backward looking.
Anyway, I have digressed from the title of this blog post.
To cut to the quick of it, I have discovered that by some strange freak of nature and clearly a small mix up in my DNA processing, I have ended up with and extra and rather odd gland. It is located quite inconveniently in my right cheek, and tends to swell at the most embarrassing of times. Over the years I have learned to have some limited control over it. If I grit my teeth firmly shut, the gland tends to stay quiet and flaccid. But if I allow my teeth to part, my tongue immediately goes into action and titillates the gland to a lumpy, cheeky sort of lump protruding from my right jowl.
In this state it is almost impossible to speak, although guffawing is possible with some effort. With limited oral communicative ability I find that it is the best time for me to get a pen or a keyboard and start writing pronto.
After conducting a lot of research over a period of about two minutes, I discovered that I may not be the only person in the world with this extra gland affliction. (Check the accompanying picture as proof.) I am happy about this, because I really do not want to feel as though I am a singular freak of nature.