I hitched a lift after my car broke down on a lonely stretch of highway. My luck was in and out. In, in the sense that a vehicle stopped for me almost immediately. Out, because the said vehicle was a beaten up, ancient VW Microbus, with the rust covered by a clearly hand painted semi-paisley pattern and embellished with peace signs. The odour emanating from the vehicle as it pulled to a stop promptly reminded me of the Cheech and Chong movie, Up In Smoke.
Who was I to complain though. I needed a lift. The vehicle ‘blubbed’ to a stop and the side door slid open. ‘Need a lift do ya’?’ came from the mouth of a young woman dressed in cheese cloth with a dazed type of ‘not quite on this planet’ sort of look in her eyes. ‘Eh, yes’, was my considered reply.
With the initial greetings over and done with, I climbed aboard the smoke filled rear section of the VW Microbus and wondered if I’d travelled in time, back to the 60’s. By the appearance and state of the other five people in the vehicle, I decided that my wondering was probably correct. I must have entered a time vortex or something.
Once seated, the young woman with the dazed type of ‘not quite on this planet’ sort of look in her eyes grabbed my right hand and proceeded to read my palm. She didn’t speak. Just sort of ummed, ommed and ahhed a lot, before checking my left palm. Then came her full body scan as she ran her open palms over my head, shoulders and torso. Not touching me, but seemingly collecting vibrations or some such invisible sign. It was after a few long minutes that she finally spoke in a soft, gently, childlike slurred voice.
‘You my friend, have the aura of an angry man’, she said, and I paused before replying.
Now for my admission. My little story is a paraphrased, more polite and much longer version of a very short gag originally written and performed by The Doug Anthony All Stars. (Click the link for a video.) They were better known in Australia as DAAS.
Even though the three split and DAAS are long gone now, they remain one of my absolute favourite examples of brilliant, bawdy, black and outrageous Australian humour.