Wolf WhistleOne of the great bonuses about being a man and getting on a bit is that as the years go by, so does the testosterone. Now you might think that this is a bit of a tragedy and I should be crying in my onion soup, but no. It’s really a godsend as there are so many facets of life that are driven by this insidious chemical that I am now free to do as I please. And economise at the same time.

No longer do I have to waste money on high powered red super cars with thumping V8 motors and scream tyres around every corner. Now free from the urge to drive at twice the speed limit and terrorise highway tortoises. No. I can quite happily and guilt free, walk to the pub for a beer for the rest of my days.

Free from all primeval urges that makes males scream, ‘Whao! Whoa!’ whenever a young lady passes by and free from the necessity to wolf whistle and prance around like a rutting rhino just because a female happens to be within periscope range. Without the testosterone driven need to make a complete ass of myself, it is common for attractive women to politely say hello to me now. Clearly I pose no rutting rhino threat.

Expensive after shave, costly eau de cologne and hair gel are all savings I make now, and well, this really helps. Especially when it comes time to pay my doctor’s bills. Gone are the days of expensive dinners for two in trendy restaurants,  expensive cover charges at clubs and discos and thank goodness, no need to dance like a complete idiot in public ever again.

No need to wonder if she’s ‘gonna do it’ because, well, it’s way past my bedtime quite early these days so really I just can’t be bothered hanging around yawning and waiting to find out. And anyway, I really hate having guests for breakfast anyway.

So freedom at last. I bet all you young guns are really envious now!

Testosterone Free
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7 thoughts on “Testosterone Free

  • 15/09/2011 at 3:58 pm
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    You didn’t HAVE to do any of those things in the first place and quite frankly most women would prefer men would not wolf whistle them in the street as contrary to popular belief it’s not flattering, nor is it big or clever.
    Please stop using a hormone as an excuse for something you choose to do.

    • 15/09/2011 at 4:21 pm
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      I’m just guessing here Alexandria, but I think you are not from the same era as Derek and myself, nor the same age group. lol

      Derek I couldn’t agree more. I really like not having to put up with all the stuff we suffered in our youth. Give me a good book, a beer, my recliner and forty winks as and when required any day over testosterone and all its many hazards and heartaches. :D

    • 15/09/2011 at 4:43 pm
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      The problem Alexandria is that young testosterone driven young fellas DO have to. That’s the reason Jack and I are so happy the damn stuff has stopped running around our old bodies. It’s a curse of Mother Nature, but a necessity to ensure young men act stupidly, but in doing so ensure the continuation of our rather odd species, which really has not made a whole lot of progress over the millennia.

  • 16/09/2011 at 7:19 am
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    Excellent – now we could share this with all the would-be Viagra customers out there and possibly prevent future generations from having great-grandfathers as fathers. I can’t help but wonder if we human beings should stop meddling with the affairs of Mother Nature…I mean she doesn’t really seem very pleased with us lately…

    As for Alexandria – sorry to say, but there are many females, of all ages, persuasions and races, even women who consider themselves hardcore feminists, who quite like the occasional wolf whistle. You can blame that on female hormones too. ;-)

  • 16/09/2011 at 7:54 am
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    Viagra was a stupid idea anyway. Why the hell would you want to help 75 year old men maintain an erection let alone have sex? I mean, your 75 for fuck sake, it’s not like you can rock up to a club and pick up a 19 yearold “Hey Mr, can I lick your liver spots?”
    There is one guy I know who is in his 70’s, nice dude and very funny, but walking up stairs is painful, and even with wood, he could never, they say ‘never say never, but I’m saying it’ never nail his wife. and WHY? She’d be like a pillowcase full of spanners.

    I, like the guys above, am looking forward to some time off. As much of an asshole as I am, I can honestly say I’ve never ‘wolf whisltled’ or been indignant. I’ve admired from a distance. Some times from not such a great distance. Some call it stalking, but I call it admiration.

    • 16/09/2011 at 9:17 am
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      …stalking, admiration, delusion, sociopathy — whatever you want to call it …

      You’ve never been indignant Johnny? Interesting…although it sounds like you might be a tad indignant over others not appreciating the C-word as you do…just saying (I read your C-word post…obviously. Well done).

      ;-)

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