A very long time ago, shortly after the dinosaurs met their maker in fact, I made a momentous life decision. One that would shape me for the rest of my life. A decision that would come to define my personality and attitude to the world and the people who ventured into my existence. ‘Why should I do something just because everyone else is doing it? Conform? No way José!’
Not since that day all those eons ago, has my neck been strangled by a bloody tie. Not even at the occasional wedding or funeral. Not even at the more occasional job interview. Not even one single bow tie. The day I threw away all my ties, which I viewed as a symbol of servitude, was the day I felt true freedom. No longer suffering the feeling of having a noose around my neck.
It’s worth remembering that ties only became a necessity when collars became the fashion. The tie was used to hold the collar in place as it was not actually attached to your shirt. So as we now have shirts with attached collars, why on earth do we still think ties are even anywhere near necessary?
This is not to say that I I don’t dress well though. Well, in my opinion anyway. What’s so wrong with old comfortable Levi’s and even older concert memento T-shirts. It makes me feel like a walking history lesson with ‘KC and the Sunshine Band 1977 World Tour’ emblazoned on my chest for all the world to see. Or ‘CCR 1969’ telling everyone that I really have been around and am worthy of a bit of respect. Now I’d really look silly wearing a tie with this, wouldn’t I?
For those extra special occasions, such as funerals, I do possess one or two shirts with the aforementioned attached collars. Mind you, they are heavily in the John Fogerty ‘look’ being all in a nice cowboy checked patterned. The Levi’s though are non-negotiable.
So to hell with what society expects. There will be no noose for me under any circumstances. Should I happen to be unlucky enough in the future to be groomed by an undertaker who thinks he’ll dress me in a tie for all eternity, I promise I will rise from the dead and hang him from the nearest tree bough. By his grey silk tie of course.