Latest Articles from The Vandal AKA Derek Haines

Cambridge English Proficiency

My recent post gave you a small example of what is expected of an advanced learner of English. So today I thought I would up the difficulty level by giving you a sample of the expectations of the proficiency level. So have fun seeing how good your English really is. For questions 1-15, read the text below and think of the word which best fits each space. Global English Global English exists (0) ….as…… a political and cultural reality. Many misguided theories attempt to explain why the English language should have succeeded internationally, whilst (1) ………. have not. Is it because there is (2) ………. inherently logical or beautiful about

Cambridge Advanced English – Key Word Transformations

One of my favourite Cambridge examination components is key word transformation . It truly is a test of a student’s knowledge of English at both First Certificate and Advanced levels. However it is also a great exercise for accomplished writers. I still love doing them as it fine tunes my writing skills by having to constantly search for alternatives. So just for fun, why don’t you see how you go with these examples. For Questions 1-12, complete the second sentence so that it has a similar meaning to the first sentence, using the word given. Do not change the word given. You must use between three and six words,

I Can’t Do Sex

One of my abysmal failings as a writer has to be the fact that I just don’t do sex at all well. Every time I get to a situation that could well call for a little steam, I tend to get it over and done with as quickly as possible and move on with the story. Now I know that for some of my readers this can sometimes prove a little frustrating. A bit of a tease with no climax as such. Well, the fact of the matter is that I do write steamy scenes. I couldn’t tell you how many I have written. But then I seem to always

Deep Purple and the Geriatric Generation

Oh dear. What a difference a short forty years can make. Last evening my wife and I went along quite excitedly to get our dose of rock nostalgia and ear ringing. What could be better than Deep Purple live (well almost in fact) in concert? Smoke on the Water, Space Trucking and Woman from Tokyo. Just a few of the songs I was looking forward to hear live again. Albeit, to be performed by the now very old and grey haired gentlemen who are the remains of Deep Purple. Well, I got the songs alright, but I really must have blasted my eardrums in my youth, as I couldn’t hear