I'm very sickAs hard as I have tried today, my humour glands have been clogged up by the onslaught of a head cold. Sharp and to the point wit has been replaced by snotty, dribbling waffle unrelated in anyway to incisive comment. A large reddening around my blown out satire gland is so embarrassing and has been causing some to stare.

I’ve already taken a handful of aspirin in the vain hope of alleviating my aching sarcasm but to no avail. My sarcasm is just pounding away painfully. My drollness has been interrupted by fits of sneezing and it has also started dripping like a tap.

This is not to mention what has happened to my jocularity. Red, sore and inflamed and no matter how much honey and lemon I take it seems to be getting worse. My normally acute sense of irony has been cut down by drowsiness and seems destined to manifest itself into a full blown coma before day’s end. All my wisecracks have been blocked-up by rampaging mucus and mercenary white blood cells looking for a fight.

But the worst symptom I have is the coughing that continually interrupts every attempt at mockery and makes me simply sound like a hooting steam train intent on derision.

All I can do I think is have a short brandy, go to bed and hope for a miraculous and probably scornful recovery.

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I Want To Be Witty
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4 thoughts on “I Want To Be Witty

  • 14/05/2010 at 9:07 pm
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    loved your description … been there and done that but was too ill to get the T-Shirt.

  • 15/05/2010 at 6:44 am
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    'I want to be witty'…. Well, I want to be as witty as you when I'm hooting like a steam train intent on derision!

    I hope the brandy worked? It does for me. Normally :)

  • 18/05/2010 at 5:16 pm
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    Hope you're feeling better soon. Have you tried adding brandy to your honey and lemon? When I was a kid my mother's homemade cough syrup containied honey, lemon juice, and apricot brandy. When ever the 3-year-old was faking a cough to get another spoonful, she decided se was turning all of us into lushes, and never made another batch. After that she bought cough syrup from the drug store, and we didn't beg for more of that.

  • 15/10/2011 at 2:48 pm
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    No one should have to feel so pitiful. Sleep is the only remedy when you are this sick.

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