underwearAs many of you would know, I like to tackle hard hitting topics here on The Vandal. Areas of interest that others shy away from in fear of reprisal and ridicule. Well, I have no fear of either, so today I will venture into the dark, secret and entirely unmentionable area of ‘the unmentionables’. Yes, underwear.

My mother always told me that it was an absolute imperative that I should never forget to wear clean underwear. ‘You just never know when you might get caught with your pants down’, she would warn. Well, up until today, which is now over half a century later, I can disappointedly say that I have never been so fortunate. So what a waste of time, washing and expense it has all been.

Whatever you wish to call them, undies, nickers, shorts, strings, thongs, jocks or boxers, they really take up a lot of effort for very little practical or aesthetic good. A lot of laundry, bleach and money all down the drain for something that is rarely seen and never heard. In fact this could explain a lot about our consumer society and how guilt has been used to foster an increasingly large global credit card debt crisis.

Mind you, I’m not one to follow the rules of our consumer society so I have been studying ways I can economise on this frivolity. While conducting my research I have discovered that there are others who clearly share my concern. Even the manufactures themselves. This is born out by the way underwear is now packaged for the discerning undies buyer.

7 Pack. The standard issue pack for the followers of society’s demands and insist on a clean pair of knickers daily because they are still following their mother’s advice.

5 Pack. Well who cares on the weekend anyway. My mother won’t know.

4 Pack. For those who think that a weekly change is perfectly reasonable idea and have seen through the guilt trip their mother created.

12 Pack. Now this one is really for the underwear anarchists who have cleansed their mind of all motherly advice. Why settle for less than a monthly change. Economical, green, energy saving to say the least.

So, which pack fits your ‘unmentionable’ conscience and needs?

Don’t Get Caught With Your Pants Down
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6 thoughts on “Don’t Get Caught With Your Pants Down

  • 12/08/2011 at 4:21 pm

    You left out the most obvious option, dear Derek: the most sustainable, green, fresh, no-guilt, pleasurable, pretty (or handsome) solution to your dilemma/question: which is, no underwear. Especially under skirts.

    • 12/08/2011 at 4:24 pm

      Oh Winslow! Clearly I was too well indoctrinated by my mother to even think of this environmentally friendly option. Then again, I wear skirts so infrequently these days, the opportunity rarely arises. :) Now? Where is my kilt?

  • 12/08/2011 at 4:25 pm

    Go commando! :-P

  • 12/08/2011 at 4:27 pm

    Derek mate, A pair of underpants, daks, grundy’s, underdungers, budgie-smugglers – whatever, never get comfortable until, like that favourite pair of jeans, have more holes in them other than the three designed into their manufacture for you to put them on.

    In some countries like Japan, they are never washed. The Japanese wear them once then throw them away. Don’t believe me? Just ask the average hard working maid in any hotel frequented by the average Japanese tourist.

    The people who worry me most are those who wear non at all under their trousers/jeans. Yuk!


  • 12/08/2011 at 4:37 pm

    I wonder how many words there are in Aussie lingo for underdaks Jack. I’ll have to do some serious research now!

  • 12/08/2011 at 11:24 pm

    You have to just go without, skirt or not, it’s very ……………liberating.

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