With the recent completion of the hypocritical farce that was the Copenhagen Conference on Climate Change, I think it is time for a political climate change. It seems that anytime we look to our politicians for pressing, if not urgent action on critical issues, they manage to leave us all breathlessly in awe at their incompetence.
Could you imagine if our world was being imminently threatened by asteroid strike, meteor collisions or alien invasion? What would our world leaders be able to cobble together in reaction to such an urgent threat? Probably some sort of phoney fund of billions of dollars to help developing countries fund education programs in alien languages and customs. Or the creation of meteor resistant UN monitored meteor free zones protected by a covering of chicken wire.
Instead of complaining and wringing my hands in sheer frustration, I have decided on a plan to rid ourselves of these elected and non-elected truth challenged and business lobby group handcuffed buffoons we currently call world leaders. Why waste all this time, effort and money on a collection of 192 buffoons, when really one would the job just as badly, or perhaps even a little bit better some might think? At the very least we could arrive at a silly decision much faster.
So in my humble way, I would like to nominate myself unselfishly for a new leadership role in our global society. My new post will be called:
Derek the 1st. The Singular and Only World President, Ruler and Benefactorial Dictator of Planet Earth and King of All Orbiting Heavenly Bodies.
Instead of an expensive election, I’ll just organise a cheap Survey Monkey poll giving all humans the opportunity to have a voice before taking over the world.
Option 1: Yes, this is a good idea.
Option 2: Yes, this is a brilliant idea.
Option 3: Yes, WE WANT DEREK NOW.
Option 4: There is no option 4.
I promise not to take over the planet before this poll is completed and all opinions are expressed. Hopefully this should be by next week as I have to brush up on how to use Survey Monkey and collect a few more email addresses.
What will you get from my dictatorship? Oh, so many great things it is hard to list them all here. I could start with free electricity from the sun, wind and tides. Free education supplied by untrained and awfully exploited teachers. Commence immediate peace talks with all aliens. Use the world’s nuclear arsenals to destroy all asteroids, meters and comets within a 10 light year radius of Earth. Ban things that I don’t like. Increase the world’s beer production by 100,000,000% in my first three years in power. Parting the seas and a little miracle work as well if I have time.
Transport all parliament buildings of the world to the moon where they will be used as sheltered workshops in low gravity for all ex-politicians of extremely low gravitas.
I also promise to nominate a fully qualified successor to my throne and will undertake an immediate survey of the remaining gorilla population of the world to find a suitable heir to my throne.
Well, that’s about it then. I look forward to your full support and groveling at my feet in the very near future.
The 1st. The Singular and Only World President, Ruler and Benefactorial Dictator of Planet Earth and King of All Orbiting Heavenly Bodies.