In a stunning announcement made earlier today during a routine earnings forecast conference call, Apple shocked Wall Street analysts and the markets by announcing it had finalised the purchases of not only Microsoft but Amazon as well.
These acquisitions fit in well with our plans for the expansion of our key business lines, a source inside Apple was reliable quoted as saying. Off the record, he also said that both deals cost peanuts and had been planned for some considerable time.
Another source confirmed that a secret part of the deal involves all publishers of dictionaries that will now abide by Apple’s request to have the acronym PC removed from all reference books. The immediate rumour that Amazon would be renamed was quashed. Our source saying that any business name starting with A would fit into Apple’s marketing plans quite well. Although on further probing, he did confirm that the name iAmazon had been considered but Tarzan had been ditched very early in negotiations.
In an associated and ongoing story, other sources have denied that Bill Gates has been approached to come out of retirement to work with Apple. There’s just no truth to that rumour at present, our source was quoted as saying.
However he did confirm strenuously that April the First is one of those really funny days of the year when news and rumours can get totally out of hand. He called for cool heads to prevail until the calendar once again ticked over to the second.